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13th-Jun-2006 08:38 am(no subject)
So it's felt... quiet, like I'm distant from feeling everything.  I'm not sure if that's a sign of having finally grown up... or if it means something else.  I guess time will tell on it.  If it is fading away... it's not as scary as I thought it would be.

I'm still afraid of not having a place, and... I don't think it'll work the way that we said it would.  It was nice while it lasted, and it's not that I don't feel alive when I'm out.. because I do... it's just not being out as much.

I don't know.

Maybe I'll write some more, and try to get it figured out.
5th-Jun-2006 08:18 am(no subject)
It sounds really selfish to say it this way... but I'm starting to realize that other people's happiness can be as important as my own.  I'm not even really disappointed that this weekend didn't work out, because other, more important things happened.  It doesn't make me less important or real... so I'm happy.

I guess I'm finally starting to grow up, again, and feel a lot more comfortable with myself. It makes me like myself a lot more too.
1st-Jun-2006 10:35 am(no subject)
Oh come on...

Things change, life most of all.  For a while, it was like a downward spiral, slow enough that you weren't sure if you wanted to try jumping the tracks or not, but definately <i>down</i>.  Now, it seems to be a constant series of hills, ups and downs and unexpected stopping points.  We have the place... just waiting on security (enough money) now I guess.  I'm so used to having just <i>enough</i> to get by, knowing that the figures don't add up is... stressful.  I can't do anything.  All of my suggestions have fallen rather... flat.

I don't know what to do.

22nd-May-2006 09:09 pm(no subject)
-delighted!-  I'm contributing!  -grins-  Maybe only in an obsessive small way, but I am!
21st-May-2006 09:50 pm(no subject)
Feeling the Pinch

I'm stressing over the uncertain living situation.  I want to move definately, and I want to be there, but not being there yet, and not knowing where/how we're going is... a little bit stressful.  I'd like to make lists of something since that seems like the best way for me to settle... but it's at work, and we need to do e-mails more than I need to make lists.

I'm just going to wait til the day is over, and go find something small and unstressful to obsess about, and I should be fine.

17th-May-2006 09:42 am(no subject)
I'm sorry...
16th-May-2006 06:13 pm - Wes?

Everything you promise... even when I've forgotten about it comes true.

I'm sorry... sorry that I doubt and worry sometimes, and sorry that I'm so needy sometimes. I wish sometimes that I could be more for you, not put you in bad places.

I don't know, just thinking a lot about myself, about you. I don't want you to think it's about sex, it's not ... it's just the fastest way to feel so totally yours that nothing else can touch me and then... things can make sense. But it's using you, and I don't want to do that.
15th-May-2006 10:07 pm(no subject)
Oh come on...
So... -grins- I had an incredible day... an a night before, and just talking to him still, thinking about him, makes me shiver and melt and.. God so incredible.

He is the most amazing man. I am madly in love with him, and I cherish the very ground that he walks upon.

I feel... good.
14th-May-2006 02:02 pm(no subject)
elouai&apos;s doll maker 3

It's me!
6th-May-2006 11:31 pm(no subject)
Oh come on...
God. Found things, reading. Hot and bothered.
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